The lighter side of golf

Deadly Eight Iron

Golf Jokes Off the seventh tee, Brian sliced his shot deep into a wooded ravine. He took his eight iron and clambered down the embankment in search of his lost ball.

After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, he spotted something glistening in the leaves. As he drew nearer, he discovered that it was an eight iron in hands of a skeleton!

Joe immediately called out to his friend, "Jack, I've got trouble down here!"

"What's the matter" Jack asked from the edge of the ravine

"Bring me my wedge," Brian shouted.

"You can't get out of here with an eight iron!"

I did all of that?

After a particularly poor game of golf, a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home. As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car, a policeman stopped him and asked, "Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?"
"Yes," the golfer responded.
"Did you happen to hook your ball so that it went over the trees and off the course?"
"Yes, I did. How did you know?" he asked.
"Well," said the policeman very seriously, "Your ball flew out onto the highway and crashed through a driver's windshield. The car went out of control, crashing into five other cars and a fire truck. The fire truck couldn't make it to the fire, and the building burned down. So, what are you going to do about it?"
The golfer thought it over carefully and responded...
"I think I'll close my stance a little bit, tighten my grip and lower my right thumb."

Golfing with an older man

A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in nine holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.

To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball - and directly between his ball and the green.

After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right over that tree."

With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.
The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only three feet tall."The lighter side of golf.  Everyone's got a story....Tell us yours and we'll post it here.

Tiger At The Masters

Paul Harvey:

"Golf is a game in which you yell 'fore', shoot six, and write down five."

A gushy reporter told Phil Michelson, "You are spectacular, your name is synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the course. What's your secret?"
Michelson replied, "The holes are numbered."

Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 5-iron standing over a lifeless man. The detective asks,"Ma'am, is that your husband?"
"Yes", says the woman.
"Did you hit him with that golf club?"
"Yes, yes I did." The woman begins to sob and drops the club, and puts her hands on her face.
"How many times did you hit him?"
"I don't know, five, six, maybe seven times....just put me down for a five."

A golfer was in big trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary.  His wife told him; "Tomorrow there better
be something in the driveway for me that goes zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat".

The next morning the wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Funeral arrangements for the husband have been set for Saturday at his favorite golf course.

When informed that he was ranked first in fairway hits.
Colin Montgomerie, the quick-witted Scot, replied,
"That's great. They should put the hole in the fairway"

This joke was submitted after first appearing in Golf Digest.
Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicklaus and Tiger Woods are standing at the throne of heaven. God looks at them and says, "Before granting you a place at my side, I must ask you what you have learned, what you believe in."
God asks Arnie first: "What do you believe?" Arnie thinks long and hard, looks God in the eye, and says, "I believe in hard work, and in staying true to family and friends. I believe in giving. I was lucky, but I always tried to do right by my fans."
God can't help but see the essential goodness of Palmer, and offers him a seat to his left. Then God turns to Nicklaus and says, "What do you believe?"
Jack says, "I believe passion, discipline, courage and honor are the fundamentals of life.
Like Arnold, I believe in hard work. I, too, have been lucky, but win or lose, I've always tried to be a true sportsman, both on and off the playing fields."God is greatly moved by Jack's high-pitched eloquence, and he offers him a seat to his right.
Finally, God turns to Woods: "And you, Tiger, what do you believe?"Tiger replies, "I believe you're in my seat."

Bob was a religious golfer. Every Sunday morning, he headed to the golf course. It didn't matter what the weather was like. It could be raining and 45 degrees, but Bob didn't care. It was off to the course. Every single Sunday morning for years.

But one Sunday, Bob finally met his match with the weather. He got up early and drove out to the course, hoping the weather would improve by the time he hit the first tee. But once at the course, he knew he was beat. It was just a few degrees above freezing, and the rain was coming down steady and icy cold.

For the first time in years, Bob headed back home on a Sunday morning.

His wife was still in bed when he got there, so he took off his clothes, snuggled up to his wife's backside and said "Terrible weather out there."

"Yeah," his wife replied, "and can you believe my idiot husband went golfing?"